keepitcroosh

keepitcroosh @ 2009-10-08T10:35:00

2009-10-08T14:36:45Z

I moved in with Dave, just for a little while until i can get my own place. Sarah got a puppy, havent seen it yet but im stoked.

Crazy!

2009-09-13T22:53:42Z

So its september, and i havent written in this thing in so long. I have a boyfriend now. And i no longer want to work at banks. Ive worked at four. Long story short, im bored of it, and i myself dislike anything conservative. So im thinking of another approach, a new direction. I do not want a job that pays minimum wage, so i really need to think this through. Any suggestions?

On another note, i havent realised until now that ive been modeling for a while, its been 6 years. Ive gone a long way from a kid feeling awkward to it being pretty sweet and loving it more and more each time. I now am in toronto magazines, AP magazine & AMP magazine as well, random add for the newspapers of Ottawa Sun, 24 hrs, Metro, im in music videos which are previewed on youtube, as well as much music & much loud, ive made guest appearances in Montreal, the list really does go on.

Unfortunately, i am not satisfied - I need more.

Ballin

2009-05-10T22:06:58Z

Felt like i should update this thang. Not only have i moved into my new apartment, but i have also gotten some jobs at a new bank, AND i also work as a bartender/serveer at the Cabana which will be having a grand opening May 14th & 15th. Bring yo friends!

On another note, im going through some crazy shit at the moment. Ottawa needs sexy boys because unfortunately we have none.

WE JUST DONT KNOW IT.

2009-04-21T01:24:43Z

Had an interesting weekend. Ended up hooking up with a guy that surely aint single. And not gonna lie, ive got a bit of a crush. FML---

Anyways, Sarah, Michelle and i will be living in our own place very soon. Me especially! Im moving in two weeks if everything goes according to plan :D. So much things to decide, so much stuff to pack, omgggg. And we got the cutest place, with the little red door <3. So cute.

On another note: new model shoot:

TAKE HER BACK WHERE SHE BELONGS!

2009-04-15T04:10:18Z

Montreal was sick. We all had a lot of fun! I didnt get to see all the people i wanted to see that lives there, but of course there'll be other times. Of course, everytime i leave Ottawa and come back, i always come to realize how much i need to get out.

Anyways, im going through another one of those lonely stages. Ive realized ive been alone for the past 8 months, the longest i have ever been single. Im sick of being alone.

THE DOWNFALL OF US ALL

2009-04-08T03:54:36Z

^ Trying to show my Hollywood Overdose hoodie i got for free (Since i model for them)
www.hollywoodoverdose.com

FUCK YEAH! Just picked up my greyhound ticket outtaaaaaa hereeeee! Well, as much as id like to think so, just until this Sunday unfortunately. But fuck it, better than nothing. I hate this city, and im sure most would agree. Montreal should be fuckin siack. Im extremely stoked.

All i got to do now is:
- Finish packing by at least tomorrow night!
- Also make sure to do all my laundry.
- Charge ipods & be sure to bring the charger with me.
- Grocery shopping at 10:00am tomorrow!
- And im positive there is much more but whatever.

Anyways, lets fuckin' raaaaaaaaage! Ill put up a few pics once im back.

FUCK YOU PAYCHECK!

2009-03-26T01:29:27Z

My job is seriously making me incredibly frustrated, and i havent even worked there for that long. I was really stoked to get my pay check, and of course, it basically got cut in half for no apparent reason. I was supposed to get about $1,000.00 . So yeah, im fucking pissed. The worst part, was that i didnt care that i owed people so much because i was getting so much, so right now im basically broke already. I cant even get what i was planning to get. And i know i wont have that kind of money again, i cant wait for the next paycheck for the other half because that is basically going to have to go straight for the MTL trip. Therefore, im broke forever.

Ugh god im frustrated. I really really wanted to get my tattoo. This was basically my only chance to even get it. My hours are slowly getting shorter and shorter at the bank, and banks had to stop hiring people due to the recession, so its not like i can just go out and type up some resumes and distribute them to other banks. They literally cant accept new employees for a while.

FML FML FML

And on top of that, im really starting to feel lonely. I havent been ina relationship since early september. It was my decision, only because ive been fed up with getting hurt and it made me completely shut it out . I want it back so bad, i dont even know where to start. And it really sucks, because i literally dont even know how to act around people anymore. I dont know if im too close, or not close enough, if i seem distant, or completely smothering them, etc. Im so terrified of losing someone again that these are the types of things that are going in my head when im with someone. I dont even know how to like someone, i never if i should, i never know if im just being lonely, i never know ! This REALLY isnt like me, and that alone terrifies the hell out of me.

WHERE IS MY NEW WHOLE LIFE PERSPECTIVE. IT DISSAPEARED ON ME DUE TO TOO MUCH WORKING, AND NOT EVEN ENOUGH TIME FOR MYSELF.

Ca$h Moneyz

2009-03-24T00:23:08Z

Ive done a few photoshoots, im so stoked to get some of the photos back! Ill display two of them, but there is another one from Hollywood overdose /AP Magazine /Smartpunk.com/AmP Magazine, etc. Ill be sure to post those once i get them :D Things are going good.

High Key photoshoot with Matt. Brown. Photoshoot with J. Bedford :)

She Wolf

2009-03-04T00:24:43Z

After this weekend, i have a whole new perspective on life. I realised that there is nothing exciting at all around here and that i need to GTFO. Seriously, i have realised that i have nothing going for me around here. The best thing about this, is that it also created an impact on Michelle and Sarah. We all realised how dull it is around here. Im so done leading this boring life of mine. Time to read more maps than books, time for some sick ass times.

I realised id rather live life on impulse. No more planning ahead, its done nothing for me. It is much more fun having to find my way around places ive never even been to, being with my best pals, and just living life. I really want to move out on top of that, so its time to save up ( not to mention save up for some tattoos as well )

keepitcroosh @ 2009-03-01T21:27:00

2009-03-02T02:32:33Z

So this weekend was sick. Randomly going to Montreal extremely last minute and going to a club with BBABH. Soo fun. They really wanted us to come to Toronto with them, i totally would have gone but Sarah has school on Monday and Michelle had to work today. Soooo lame. I hope theyll be a next time. That wont be in a while though, tonight is their last show on tour.

'baby i love your way'

2009-02-23T06:49:27Z

It seems that from past relationships (in other words, mistakes), i now have to take careful consideration with every possible thing, every detail, ev-ry-thing. Why? I have no idea. My heart and mind are not on the same page and it is very confusing. I am just sick of getting hurt and feel that i need to look for those certain traits that i have been dying and trying so so hard to avoid ( yet keep coming back to me.. ). IO dont want to keep making the same mistakes over and over again, i am sick of that, thats for sure. So now i am just a mess.. Im unsure if it is noticeable, but only one person can say if it is or not. Ians a great guy:). Im a big retard when im around him, because its like i dont even know how to act anymore.. I have tried it all, and it all failed. So now i am lost and probably so awkward. Im shy, and unsure about the stupidest things ever.. I figure its just cause i like him a lot so im nervous, but at the same time, when its to the point where im scared and shy to kiss him even though weve done it a zillion times before, it makes me wonder. I am lost in my emotions at this time as you can see. I find it so weird that the fact that my heart has been broken so much to the point where i dont know how to act around someone i like.. Because aparently all of the old stuff has gotten me into trouble with the worst people imagineable. I find it undeserving to be honest. I need some sort of guide.. From my heart of course. Most of the time, things come naturally, then theres those times where you kiss me on my forhead and i dont know if i should do anything at all because i am scared. I think even though we arent dating, im scared of losing someone who means alot to me. Affection means everything to me. And i have realised that once someone loses interest in that affection, they get bored with you. And i dont want that to happen.. Ever.

But of course, that is all that has happened. From this day, i have never let go of anyone.. And the reason is simple. I have a great heart.

Never ending

2009-02-11T02:50:27Z

So Sunday i went to Sarahs photoshoot, it was good, she did good. And Ian was sleeping oer that night. It went really well, i had fun, and i got some shit figured out/ answered. But of course, this does not last long, now i have more stuff to figure out. LAME. Anyways, im sleeping over at his house tomorrow. Im stoked.

Im really hoping that everything'll be all good by the end of this week.

She will be mine.. Oh yes, she will be mine.

2009-02-03T22:29:48Z

Alright, so at first i was saving up for this bad boy over here. But, my dad convinced me to get a better one, so ill have to wait a while. Oh well i guesssssssss...
On a complete other note, i need to go for my drivers license like NOW. In order for my profile to go completely through on Gods Girls, they need a government ID and such. I figured what i gave them would not work ( birth certificate, etc) , oh well, so im really hoping i can go get it done like this week before my parents leave for Mexico. Anyways ive got a bunch of stuff planned for this week & next week.

STOKED.

2009-01-31T05:58:33Z

" You have been accepted to Gods Girls". SIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!! All i need to do now is a few more things ( such as hand in a copy of my license, etc) and then they will complete my profile. Pretty stoked on that.

P-A-R-T-WHY?

2009-01-26T00:49:22Z

Im done school. Time to fucking party. Sarah, Michelle and I at Addiction. We started out at a bar, but wasnt feeling it. This was much more, pretty sure it was because of all the free drinks we were getting. :)

One way ticket to hell..

2009-01-19T02:33:15Z

Josh isnt speaking to me anymore. Its been like thast for a while actually, his girlfriend has really brainwashed him.. I thought i was getting over him, but im not. I cried just last weekend over him, and was in desperate need of a shoulder to cry on. So yeah, lets just say my heart is weak. Im trying to get better, but i cant do this alone. The person i like now, sometimes i feel like they dont like me. So having that feeling makes me believe that maybe i shouldnt be into someone else already. That maybe this isnt a good idea. I dont know.. I really want him, but at the same time im scared that this is just another waste of my time and heart. I am to the point where i am extremely sick of getting heart broken...... I just need a sign. Something good, from him.

Anyways, enough about the stuff that always makes me unhappy. Some good news:
- Just got my nails done:).
- Photoshoot on Saturday (the 24th) @ 6pm-10pm.
- Valentines day Photoshoot ( unsure of date, BUT SOON) .
- Applied for GG.
- Trying to sell a bunch of stuff i dont use/wear anymore. So hopefully ill make some $.
- Becoming a bank teller in mid-Feb. SWEET.
- Done school & exams in FOUR days!

Anyways, yeah i seriously need to get my mind off of my love life. Its too depressing. I need to find someone who has a heart like i do, its the only way itll work out. And honestly, at this point, i consider that impossible. Now that school is basically over for me, its time for some crazy girls nights every night, etc, time to get my mind off this stressful stuff.

Oh hey

2009-01-11T06:35:26Z

Ive been sick lately, i hate it. And the medication that i got is unfortunately not helping. Anyways, havent updated in a while it seems. To sum it up:

Parties, bars, friends, good times. :) <3 My life is slowly starting to be okay again. Im making the best of it.

Hectic.

2008-12-11T03:48:48Z

So much stuff going on this weekend! Firstly, on Friday, its girls night with Katt. Should be really fun, doing the usual. Im going to be cleaning this week, then friday, girls night with probably a bit of cleaning. Then Saturday!! Im really really hoping that Ian comes over, stupid bus strike is causing several problems, so im hoping i still get the chance to have a sleepover with him. Also, he is my date for the evening, as in Katts birthday. Anyways, ill update later on.

keepitcroosh @ 2008-11-30T22:25:00

2008-12-01T03:22:32Z

So he slept over, and it was fucking amazing. It is now very very clear , and i am so happy about it:) ksjhgkhgdhfg

On a completely different note: Im going to record me playing a song. Just for fun, might as well show people the talents they werent even aware that i was capable of. So the first one is probably actual singing and playing 12 string acoustic.

keepitcroosh @ 2008-11-26T00:09:00

2008-11-26T05:04:35Z

I am content RIGHT NOW, and that is what matters :).

Confused

2008-11-22T03:28:56Z

To keep this topic short: I miss getting affection. Being held, kissed...Yeah, i miss it a hell of a lot:(

Anyways, I have come to realise a few different things in my life. First of all, i am positive that i like this person. The only problem is, i am pretty sure that this person does not feel the same way. Its so hard, because its not like i can just ask how this person feels about me. I consider this person different from other people ive liked. Those other people always just throw themselves at me. So i need to find a guy that actually wants to get to know me first. Because i feel that maybe thats what the problem is. I dont know!! But then again, i also feel like maybe this person doesnt even like me in the first place, and that i am just setting myself up for disapointment. Hopefully ill get a hint soon, so i dont make some big mistake, and/or emabrasse myself.....................................

keepitcroosh @ 2008-11-19T10:54:00

2008-11-19T15:54:59Z

Ever feel the need to just get away from it all? I did. I went to Sudbury for that purpose, but unfortunately, im back and nothing has changed. So, i guess i still do. I have come to realization that i don’t even know what i want anymore. In life, in myself, in someone else. . . It seems that every guy i have been with, all had similar problems. Each and every one made me realize each time of what i didn’t want. They had good characteristics as well, but the negative ones created a big impact on me and how i feel about others entirely. I am to the point of wondering what i want, who i am, who i want, and if i even really want them in the first place. I am so unsure about all this. I have only been fucked over, what must i do different? It is always me that has more feeling than the other, and i feel like it will always remain that way. Theres this one person that makes me feel good, but i dont know if im just lonely, if this is a mistake, or if im just an idiot. Maybe i do like this person. But maybe its all in my mind. Im sure this person does not like me, but i like this feeling. The feeling of happiness, a warm heart, and butterflies and excitement when i think of this person. If i do feel like this for real, maybe i shouldn’t.. I mean, why should i in the first place.. Chances are, im setting myself up for disappointment. I almost feel like i shouldn’t even be thinking of this person this way. I feel like an idiot. How do i know if i should feel this way, how do i know if it is all worth it? I dont want to feel this type of happiness unless it is meant to happen. I only want this if it will be stay within my heart, not go away after a while.. Unused, or overused. This is all way too confusing, i wonder if i should even think about it. Is this the way of telling me to stop thinking about it, or is this telling me to go with it, embrace it. Why am i thinking of this. There has to be a reason why, right? Maybe my mind is telling me to stay away, or is it telling me to pay attention. How would i know?

We break ourselves down, and build ourselves up in disappointment.

American Apparel....

2008-11-06T17:59:48Z

Despite the rumours(etc) of Dov Charney, i might just try out to be an American Apparel model. Chances are it wont happen, but hey, might as well give it a shot.

Not yet though, i need to prepare for this first.

Discontent

2008-11-05T20:05:12Z

I really need to meet new people.

keepitcroosh @ 2008-10-29T10:47:00

2008-10-29T14:48:27Z

I guess i was more into the relationship then he was, i didnt care about distance.

Why is it that lately EVERY THING seems to be going completely wrong?